Butterflies…just not the fun and pretty kind

I’m feeling all anxious now. The applications for my grad school program have been updated to include a May start date, so I need to come up with a statement of intent and letters of recommendation ASAP, and get that submitted. I knew it would happen soon, I just never expected this soon. At least the OSAP is easy, since it’s the same application I just filled out for September I won’t need to bug my parents for info this time. I think I’m going add that to the lists of things for me to do in August, since I’ve got essays and finals to get through right now.
On the personal front, I spent all day yesterday on the phone with my mom because Bones has finally gone and hit rock bottom. He was in some pretty bad shape, crying and unable to walk, lots of shaking, not really in control of his body. He made my aunt call because he’s done and wants to come home and get better. This I couldn’t be more happy about, because it’s been killing me these last few years seeing what he’s been doing to himself. I’m anxious for him, because I watched my mom go through this and I know how hard not drinking will be. Not to mention the withdrawals. That’s going to be fun. On the other hand though, I know my mom. This is it. He gets one chance and he better make it last. If he starts drinking again now, anything at all, that’s it. She won’t have sympathy if he doesn’t stick with it.

For now, he’s moved back in and is being baby-sat to make sure he’s okay. He’s been hanging out at the Legion for months, and apparently they’ve been giving him (and anyone else that wants it) as much alcohol as they can afford no matter how drunk they are or whether it may be unhealthy. My mom went in there to find out how much he drank, and they said two and a half pitchers. To top it all off, when he couldn’t sleep after that my stupid aunt gave him some of her sleeping pills. I’m very pissed off at her right now for that. How stupid can you get?! I swear, she’s trying to kill him. She’s still meddling and not being very helpful. She won’t give his keys back, so he can get the rest of his stuff, and she keeps calling the rest of my aunts and uncles and trying to make them come down. I’m glad I’m here and not at home, because I really want to flip out on her. Her blatant disregard for her family just drives me up a wall. I don’t understand it. I love Bones so much, I can’t see how she would be dumb enough to give her brother an assortment of pills when he very probably has alcohol poisoning.

I got to talk to him on the phone for a bit yesterday. I told him about our attempt at boating on the river and got a few laughs out of him. He still sounded really slurred and a bit out of it, but definitely much improved from what he must have been like the night before. I’m proud of him for wanting to get better, but I’m worried that he’s not doing it for the right reasons. He keeps saying he can’t take care of anyone, but I don’t think he realizes that he needs to want this for himself, and not for his mooching siblings/mother. They can take care of their goddamn selves for a change.